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Why Indian women resort to arranged marriages

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arrange marriages

The Indian marriage system has a lot of growing up to do in terms of selecting your life partner. But does that mean everyone and everything associated with an arranged marriage is wrong. I dont think so, as some pursue it free will some under pressure. And there are completely the other cases too, for instance a love marriage, eloping etc.

So the concept arranged marriage is unfair is a wrong assumption. Like I said to each his own. Whatever kind the marriage is, it is the human need to find love has remained unchanged over time and this is what drives people around. For some their love of their life are found in arranged marriage, while for others its not. But no doubt this timeless tradition are a big hit among few societies.

REASONS WHY WOMEN OPT FOR ARRANGED MARRIAGES

  • There is a strong belief amongst girls and families of bride and bridegrooms, that parents make the best choices for their little princess until one day everything is topsy turvy or sometimes on a positive note everything ends well like a perfect ending in a Cinderella story.
  • Girls and their families believe if something goes wrong they have their parents to fall back on. The parents too take arranged marriage as a reason to support their daughters if the impending marriage is on a verge of breaking down. Such support is most unlikely in a love marriage.
  • Sometimes, a girls bottom line in seeking this route is simple straightforward and that is to find a partner who was as serious about commitment as she is. Which again cant be resolved immediately in a love marriage. Because in a love set up, knowing and spending time before marriage as girlfriend and boyfriend is imperative, not that its not an available option in an arranged set up. The sole aim is to settle down quickly sometimes in a arranged marraige.

Whatever courtship one is entering into, there is always this debate of patriarchy, colorism, gender stereotypes and regressive mentalities etc only highlighting the centuries old practice under a scanner. So all you singles out there, “Are you up for an arranged marriage?”

 

 

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Marital adjustments in joint family

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It’s known that in India when you get married, it’s not only the girl but the guy and also his family too makes adjustments especially if the bride is going to move into a joint family. When you have spent all your years growing up in a nuclear family with all the space you want then the joint set up comes with a few adjustments. If you are on the edge about it, the following few pointers would guide you into adjusting with the new family.

First things first, you have to be positive. No one is out there to get you, so don’t panic. Don’t formulate your ideas of a joint family based solely on what you see on television or in the movies. It is a matter of time you will settle in and you will build your relationships with all the family members, so relax in the initial stages. Get involved in conversations, be part of discussions, ensure that you have enough time with the family members in a light hearted fashion.

Yes, it is new and you are not used to it and that’s precisely why you should think of yourself as part of the family. They are your own people and not others. This idea will also amalgamate your own thoughts on being a member of the family. If there’s something that needs to be thought over then be part of that process. Don’t go in with the attitude that it doesn’t matter to you. Provide valuable inputs and leave it at that. Don’t expect that your ideas will be applauded or implemented immediately but offer them out of love.

Next would be to give respect to get respect. Yes, it is difficult since you already have a lot to think about but be open minded about it. You would have been so used to your parents house that you wouldn’t have needed to put in extra effort there but in the new home you need to. Don’t expect earth shattering changes from day one in the household but slowly take in the atmosphere and make sure that you are not too harsh on anyone. If you are feeling the pressure talk to someone in the house or talk to all of them openly.

Lastly, you have entered a new home and you will have new responsibilities. If you are not used to too many responsibilities then it will be a change that you will have to accept. The more happily and readily you accept the better it will be. Try and be genuinely helpful without stepping on anyone’s toes. These moments will also give you an opportunity to bond with the family members in learning about their past and your husband’s childhood.

Thus, marriage is a whole sea of change for the prettier looking gender. While some who get married into joint families are often at the receiving end of unexpected complications genuinely, there are others who work towards it and are truly happy entering a joint family. Thus, the above are a sample of some common struggles and this is how to deal with them. So, tread with caution but confidence my friends!

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Time Management for New Mothers

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When the first child is born to a family, your world is turned upside down. Finding time to balance current relationships, household chores and personal needs with a new baby can leave mothers feeling frayed, frazzled and frustrated. But it doesn’t have to be that way. With a little patience, prioritizing and flexibility, new moms can navigate this time and emerge confident and content in their new role.

This was Tonjia Coverdale’s experience. “Before I had Benjamin, I was a typical type ‘A’ personality. I had a plan and carried it out flawlessly,” says the mother of her now 18-month-old. “When he was born prematurely, I had a big adjustment to make. Now I was on his schedule – his plan. I learned early on it was OK to have a tentative agenda but I had to remain flexible for him.”

“Having a new baby is a definite rebalancing act,” says Rebecca Levin, coordinator for Postpartum Support International. “Just getting used to having a newborn around is hard. Trying to figure out how to integrate him into your existing life – that’s a huge challenge.”

For Christine Bart, the biggest challenge was maintaining her current social life. “Before Kailin was born, we had a lot of childless friends and were used to going out and taking weekend trips,” says the mother of her now 16-month-old. “Afterwards things changed. Our friends would come over, but it wasn’t like it used to be,” she says.
Experts agree the dynamic of friendships often changes after the first baby is born.

“Relationships are birthed out of common interests, so it may be difficult for childless friends to understand the time and energy a newborn requires, let alone the limitations you now have,” says Gracie Mirolli, a postpartum doula.


But that doesn’t mean the friendships can’t continue. Look for commonalities you still share and plan times to get together for lunch, coffee or at the park. Take the baby with you or ask someone to baby-sit so you can go alone. Talk about what is going on in your life and stay tuned in to your friends’ interests. Even if those friendships fizzle, it doesn’t mean you’re doomed to a life of loneliness.

“We still have friends who are childless, but I have a whole new set of friends with kids that I’ve met through playgroups, at story time, even on the internet,” says Bart.

More important is to schedule time alone with your spouse. If date nights won’t work, try a creative approach. When the baby is asleep, order in Chinese and put out a tablecloth and candles, watch a movie together and give each other foot or back rubs. Make this a priority from the beginning to keep your marriage healthy and strong.

Another challenge most new mother’s face is finding time for household chores. Levin’s advice is simple.
“Set small goals,” she says. “Instead of saying, ‘I’m going to clean the whole house today,’ start with one or two rooms. That way it’s more manageable and you won’t get frustrated if it doesn’t all get done.”

Even then flexibility is key.
“I break up the work and do different chores throughout the week so it’s finished for the weekends,” says Bart. “One day I’ll do vacuuming and dusting. The next I’ll do bathrooms and laundry. But I’m not super rigid. Some days I don’t get it all finished, but I have a happy child.”
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Coverdale makes housework a matter of multitasking. “I didn’t have a formal fitness program in the beginning so I combined it with housework,” she says. “I wore Benjamin in a sling or mei tai while I did my chores. Now that he’s older I involve him in some of the simpler tasks like unloading the dryer and helping pick up toys. We make it into a game.”

Other mothers combine fitness, friendships and infant time by participating in parent exercise programs, such as Stroller Strides and Stroller Fit, which include baby and buggy in the routine

Incorporating activities is, in fact, the best way to find time for the things you want and need to do. Of course, it may take a bit of ingenuity.

“The biggest adjustment I had to make when Benjamin was born was changing from a working woman to a stay-at-home mom,” Coverdale recalls. “I loved being home with him, but I had a huge void and wanted some personal enrichment.”

Coverdale combined her love for technology with family and fashion, and created an online mother and baby clothing line.

“It’s my creative outlet, but it doesn’t take time away from the baby,” she says. “I work on it at night, after Ben and my husband go to bed. It’s my recharge time.”

Bart wanted personal fulfillment too, but waited until Kailin settled into a routine before starting to work on her master’s degree online.
Mirolli thinks waiting is wise. “The baby dictates so much of the mother’s time at the beginning. The best thing she can do is rest so her energy returns,” she says. “In time her baby’s routine will emerge and life will become more predictable.”

Then you can do those things you deem important, as long as you stay flexible.
“I always want to have time for my daughter,” says Bart. “Even if it means some days I put things on the back burner to read books, sing songs or just pick up and go to the playground.”

Denise Yearian is a freelance writer and the mother of three children and four grandchildren.

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Reinventing your kitchen in just 5 easy ways

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With the onset of the New Year, or shall we say a completely new decade, almost all of us feel an urge to transform ourselves. Hence, we make New Year resolutions to lose weight, get healthy, and whatnot. Some of us take this a step ahead and attempt to re-imagine a familiar environment like the living room or kitchen area.
When it comes to reinventing the kitchen space, a lot of things have to be kept in consideration–especially if you want to get healthy.
Right from basic raw ingredients to storage boxes and daily use utensils–a complete makeover will cost you time and effort. But that goes without saying, right?

Today, we’re going to share with you some healthy kitchen tips that’ll make your kitchen into a healthy haven–and help you preserve the nutritional value of food.
So here is how you can reinvent your kitchen in 2020 with maximum ease and minimum hassle.
1. Buy fresh fruits and veggies and break-up with packaged grocery
For a fully-stocked kitchen, grocery shopping is an absolute must. But most grocery items come in plastic or aluminium packaging, boxes or even cans that can pose threat to your health.

So, the simple thing to do here is to replace packaged grocery items with fresh produce that is either harvested from your in-house garden or sourced from an organic market. This way, you’ll ensure that you best chemical-free produce that is NOT a strain on the environment.
2. Re-evaluate your relationship with plastic containers

All that plastic in your kitchen in the form of containers that you use to store and reheat leftovers can have a serious toll on your health.
These plastics contain Bisphenol A (BPA), a chemical that can leach into the food while you’re heating it and make it toxic. According to the American Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), once BPA is ingested, it can disrupt the function of hormones in the body–especially oestrogen.

So, replace plastic containers with glass ones to retain nutrition and give your food a longer shelf life.
3. Adopt the root-to-stem lifestyle
If you have been peeling the skin of veggies and throwing them away–which, most of us do–then here’s something you need to know. The skin and stems of fruits and veggies are bursting with nutrients–hence discarding them leads to nutrition loss.
According to a study, published in the International Food Research Journal, there is a presence of a large number of biologically-active phytochemicals in all parts of the plants such as stems, barks, peels, stalks, flowers, fruits, leaves, roots, seeds etc.

So, if you plan to make a broccoli stir-fry tonight, instead of discarding its stem, preserve it and add to your meal’s nutritional value.

4. Add sprouting utensils to your kitchen
Sprouted foods deserve a legit place in your diet. The process of sprouting not only improves the digestibility of the food but also increases its nutritional value to a great extent.

According to a review in the American Journal of Plant Nutrition, the sprouting process increases vitamin synthesis by six to 10 times compared to levels of non-germinated seeds.
So, make that sprout-maker a kitchen essential–right now!
5. Practice smart storage rules for fresh produce
Having a fully-stocked refrigerator sure sounds great and satisfying–but just give it a few days and you’ll have wilted or soggy veggies on your hands.

For instance, if you’ve been storing apples and oranges in the same fruit basket, you’ve been doing it all wrong. Surprised? Well, some foods just don’t get along well with each other. Ethylene, the ripening agent in fruits, will lead to faster spoilage of any produce around it.

Other than this, you should store root veggies in cool, dark, humid places to retain nutrients.
So, keep these healthy kitchen tips in mind and make your kitchen a happy place again.

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